


Forget

by othiara



Category: Haven - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/othiara/pseuds/othiara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Audrey and Duke get back to Haven only months after their disappearance into the barn. Audrey can't remember anything. Her memories are slowly returning, but at what price?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The woman looks around at the beach. _It's odd,_ she thinks. _It's like I've been here before._ She can't place the feeling of familiarity, though. The rocky coastline doesn't bring back any memories. She wonders why the man has brought her here, of all places, and why now. Winter isn't the time to be out on a beach. Even with all her layers, the icy winds chill her to the bone.

She sits down beside a post. It feels like the thing to do, and it brings even more feelings of familiarity. She looks down and sees letters carved into the rock. They aren't carved very deep and were obviously made long ago, so she can't make out the words with just her eyes. She runs her fingers along the lettering. It spells out _Audrey Parker._ That name feels even more familiar.

_She sits next to a post and talks to herself, though she directs her speech at the sky. She doesn't understand who she is. A man, older than she is, comes and skips rocks. There is a calm demeanor about him._

_"And where do you need to be?" she asks the man._

_"Where I am. It's always where I am," the man replied. She nods and escapes again into her own thoughts. She carves her name into the rock mindlessly, even though she isn't even sure that's hers anymore._

She gasps. _Audrey Parker. My name is Audrey Parker._ She went over it in her mind. _Yes, that feels right._

"Is my name Audrey?" she asks the man who is here with her now. He's a different man, younger than the one she just saw, but his eyes have all the youth stolen from them. He nods, and she looks away again. She doesn't like to look at him. He's always sad. When he first saw her, he was so happy. Until he saw that she doesn't know who he is.

She uses the post to pull herself up. "I want to go into town," she states plainly. She can see one nearby, and she wants to remember more. This place feels key to that. Blood trickles lightly from her nose, but she brushes it away with her sleeve and thinks nothing of it.

"So do I." He starts off in the direction of the town. Nether have cell phones or vehicles, so it will be a while before they hit civilization. If he notices her nosebleed, he says nothing. She wonders if he noticed her remembering. Most likely not. He doesn't like to look at her either. She makes him sadder. He remembers all the things she should remember, and it hurts him that she doesn't.

.:.

It's nearly nightfall when Audrey and the man finally reach the town. Her legs ache, and she feels like she's going to fall over. A faded sign tells her that they are entering Haven, home to 21,705 people. He tells her that they can stop at a restaurant in a couple miles, and then they'll go to the police station.

"Why would you want to go there? Are you in trouble?" the girl who is now called Audrey asks jokingly.

"No," he says, keeping his answer short and simple and still not looking at her. She realizes he hasn't told her his name yet, so she asks what it is.

"Duke," he says, looking like it pains him that she doesn't already know. She doesn't tell him how much she wishes she could still remember things like that. She wishes she could have known him when he was happy, or maybe that she could make him happy. His silence is contagious; her attempts at conversation fall away as they make their way further into town.

They find a place called Joe's Bakery and stop to eat there. She's glad to be able to rest; her body aches from the long walk. When Joe himself comes to take their order, he looks surprised to see her but quickly shakes it off. She orders pancakes.

_There's a certain familiarity to this place, too,_ Audrey notices, _especially eating pancakes at a table for two._ Duke isn't the person who should be sitting across from her. She knows that much. _But who?_ she wonders.

_They're sitting at Joe's Bakery eating pancakes._

_"Isn't it a little early to be putting up Christmas decorations?" Audrey asks, looking around at the strangely festive town._

_"Well, when do you think they should be put up?" Audrey really wants the Christmas decorations to_ never _be put up, but July seems like a particularly strange time for the town to be painted red and green._

_"I mean, doesn't it seem a little early to you?"_

_With an entirely serious face, he replies, "It's Christmas Eve." She's about to argue when they get a call. They have to go for now, but this conversation is not over yet._

She snaps out of it. Duke is giving her a concerned look. _He's worried,_ she realizes. Another nosebleed comes, and it comes with a killer headache. She was hungry minutes ago, but now even looking at food makes her feel sick.

"I-I don't feel very well," she says. She can tell Duke sees that there's more to it than that, but she rushes to the bathroom before he can say anything.

.:.

Throwing up in a restaurant bathroom makes her feel disgusting. She wants to brush her teeth, but as far as she knows, she doesn't have a home or any belongings, so she rinses her mouth out with water from the sink. Her headache is getting worse, and this nosebleed is harder to stop than the one earlier. The main thing she gets from the encounter is still the memory, which she's thankful for.

She's been having a nagging feeling that she's been here before all night. Now she knows she was here with Nathan Wuornos, her partner, who knows how long ago. They were here before she lost her memories, and she isn't even sure how long it's been since that. _Joe recognized me,_ she realizes. _I could ask him._ Audrey approaches the bakery's owner with purpose but is interrupted before she can talk to him.

Duke grips Audrey's arm and steers her away from Joe.

"Come on," he says, "we're going to see an old friend."

.:.

The evening air is almost as icy as the air on the beach. She's glad to be sheltered by the police station's sturdy walls. The man from her second memory, Nathan, is out on a call, so they have to wait until he gets back. Audrey sits in a desk that Duke told her is hers and tries to warm up. This place feels familiar, too. She hopes she doesn't get another memory; she's still reeling from the effects of the last one.

"She's here," says Duke. A smile lights up Nathan's face. He turns and sees her sitting in her old desk. "Wait, Nathan, she's not-" Duke doesn't have a chance to finish as Nathan rushes up to greet her.

"Nathan, hi," Audrey says awkwardly. She isn't sure what else to say.

"You're really back? Are you okay?" His concern touches her. She wishes she could spare him from the bad news.

Duke tells him. "She lost her memories." He says it bluntly, but it takes a moment for the bad news to sink in. She watches as it does. It's like the reverse of what happened seconds ago. The light leaves his face, leaving behind the hardened exterior. His guarded look makes it hard to tell what's going on in his mind, but she can tell that his nightmare was just acted out before him. She wants to do something, anything, that will help him, but she knows she isn't the person he needs now. Or at least she doesn't have the right memories.

"I'm sorry," she says. It's not enough. It can't reverse the pain or make him open up again. _I would've been able to before,_ she thinks. _Before whatever happened that made me lose my memories._

"It's fine," Nathan deadpans. "It's not your fault." He meets her eyes, unlike Duke, but his are dead; they don't show her any emotion, and she almost wishes he hadn't.

"Nathan," she says, "I wish I could remember! You think I don't want to-"

_She's wearing an incredibly ridiculous outfit. Nathan bought it for her as a joke, and she's wearing it to see if she can get him to smile. He set up walls long ago, much like her, and she intends to break them down. He has this scary ability to break down hers, too; he's getting her to do the little things like remembering names - she's failing badly at that one - and exchanging friendly banter, the things she decided were useless when she first put up her walls._

_Hearing his laughter and seeing that smile is more than worth any trouble._

_"This is one of those times when you should say absolutely nothing," she says as she drinks from the UMaine mug that completes the local cop look._

When Audrey's vision clears, she sees Nathan crouched over her, a look of genuine worry etched into his face. Duke stands a little further back. She catches his eye and he looks relieved.

"Are you okay?" Nathan asks as he helps her up.

"I'm fine," she replies, but she knows it's not true. Her head pounds even more than it did at the bakery, and the dizziness increases when she stands up. She can't balance herself well enough to stay standing, so they help her into a chair. Then the nosebleed and nausea take over, coming even faster than before, and she nearly falls over in her haste to get to the bathroom.

"I don't feel well," Audrey explains shakily as she tries to stand up again. Duke puts his hand around her waist to steady her and helps her to the bathroom. She sees him shut the door behind him. _Such a gentleman,_ she thinks.

Once she's done, she leans against the wall for support and pulls herself up. She somehow manages to get back to the office, where Nathan quickly offers her his seat.

"What happened?" Nathan asks as the world gradually stops spinning so much faster than usual.

"I got a memory," Audrey explains. At their confused looks, she adds, "One of mine, I think."

"What did you remember?" questions Nathan.

"I was here. I was wearing some silly outfit you bought me as a joke, and you walked in, and we were laughing. I said, 'This is one of those times when you should not say anything,' or something like that."

He looks down at his feet. "That's one of yours, yeah."

"The same thing happened earlier. Twice," Duke says.

"Yes, those were memories, too."

"Well, what did you remember?" he presses.

"The first time, I was at that rocky beach. Neither of you were there. I was sitting at a post talking to a man. He was on the older side, had a bag that said Shawshank something on it, and I think he had a tattoo. He skipped rocks and talked to me a little. I carved my name into the rocks; that's how I knew what it was. The second one was at that bakery. Everyone was putting up Christmas decorations even though I think it was July. I was there with Nathan and he - you - said it was Christmas Eve," Audrey elaborates.

"I can't remember the second one," says Nathan.

"Remember when Audrey threw a Christmas party in July? I woke up next to wrecked cars in a Santa suit and thought I'd caused an accident," says Duke.

Nathan smirks and nods. "I woke up in a toy store next to a broken snow globe." He turns his attention to Audrey. "That must've been what happened that day. You were having fun keeping it from us." She smiles at him. His hand is on hers, and he brushes his fingers over her palm like it's the most perfect thing in the world. She marvels at how he can make such a small touch feel so extraordinary.

She wants to remember who she is, but a part of her is scared. Her reactions to the memories are getting more serious; she doesn't know how much more she can take. Certainly not all the memories she had to have built up over her life. She doesn't know how to stop them, though, and she's afraid if they keep coming they might kill her.

"Hey, do I have a home here?" she asks Nathan.

"Yeah. I've been keeping it for you. I'll drive you there." He changes his voice so it will carry. "Duke, we're driving to the Gull."

"Do I live with him?" Audrey asks just loud enough for Nathan to hear. She seriously doubts it, but it sounds like they're going to the same place.

He raises an eyebrow and smirks at her. "You're renting his upstairs."

"Oh." She blushes. Duke comes over with both their coats, and Audrey puts hers on and gets ready to leave. She feels steady enough to walk on her own, and she makes it into the car without any trouble.

Nathan drives a blue Bronco. She loves the comfortable air between them that even Duke's presence in the back seat can't interrupt. The sun has long since set, and the lovely oranges and pinks are replaced by a dark, cloudy night that hardly any stars can force their way through. She hugs her arms to her chest. Even though the wind has stopped for the most part, the temperature dips low enough that she desperately wants to get in a building with heat.

When the Bronco finally pulls over, Audrey wants to give a longer goodbye, but the cold makes her hop out after only giving Nathan a small smile and a thanks. Duke climbs out and heads into the restaurant part, and she runs up the steps and into her apartment. It looks homey; she feels like she could have lived here once. She turns on the heater and waits a minute or two before she's comfortable enough to settle in for the night.

Audrey hunts around in her dresser for a moment and finds yoga pants. She holds off on changing her shirt because she's still cold enough to keep the sweater on. She squirms under the covers and drifts into sleep.

 

_A group of women congregate around her like a jury. Judging, judging what she is, what she's not, what she's going to be, what she needs to be._

_"Not enough." The words echo the halls. No one knows who said them first, but it doesn't matter; they've come out of everyone's mouths now. The women's faces come into focus, and she sees them for the first time. All of them are her. One with brown hair; one with red. Another has black hair; another has blonde. Just like her. She is her. Her words are louder than the others', and they are different._

_"Not enough, not enough for him, for them, for anyone. Hollow shell pretending to be a real girl. Who else are you going to take? How many souls will you destroy with your fire and your lies? Pull away and let them burn, burn, burn 'cause that's what they deserve for loving you, isn't it? Isn't it?" She backs away, afraid. She wants to say no, but she doesn't know what the truth is anymore. The uncertainty will show, so she can't say anything._

_She runs. What else can she do? She runs and runs and runs until she's so far she can't feel their accusatory glares on her back and can't hear their whispering and that solitary, angry scream. But now she's in the tall greenery, much to tall. The hedges can't be cut back, and they threaten to strangle her._

_Then there's a fire. Why there is a fire she can't say, but it rages down the main street of a town she doesn't know. Not knowing doesn't mean not caring. She knows people are in there. It's her job to save them; no one else can. So she goes in without any tools because she's_ special _\- isn't she?_ _\- different; she can help people. She can save them, can't she?_

_No. She can't save them because they're already dead. It's out of her control. There's nothing she could've done. That's what she keeps telling herself, but is it true? The burning building falls in and death nearly takes her as his own again. But he doesn't._

_Everything is going too fast. A million scenarios flash before her eyes. A billion. Why won't it stop? A billion scenarios, all crushing the air out of her lungs. She makes the single word fill her thoughts. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop..._

"Audrey! Audrey, wake up!" Duke says, attempting to wake her up. She gazes groggily up at him as her eyes adjust to her surroundings. "Sorry, but you looked like you were having a bad dream. I brought coffee," he adds and hands her a mug.

"Couldn't sleep?" asks Audrey while she takes a tentative sip of her coffee. It's prepared just the way she likes it. She gets up and curls up next to him on her couch.

"No. You could?"

"I was really tired, yeah. But you were right, bad dream, thanks."

"What did you dream about?" She looks at him then looks away again.

"It was...nothing," Audrey says. Her voice catches. That dream terrified her. She's not ready to tell Duke about it yet. He sees that there's more to it than she's saying, but he doesn't press. Instead, he walks over to the cupboard and pulls out a couple bottles of beer.

"One shot or two?"

Audrey's tiring, stressful, and confusing time in Haven convinces her that maybe she deserves a little alcohol. "Two. Definitely." He smiles knowingly as he pours for her, then gives himself the same amount. "Cheers," she says in an emotionless voice. They clink glasses, and she drinks deep.

_To Haven,_ she thinks, _the place that has somehow taken away my life and my memories. The place that might or might not have turned me into a useless, hollow shell. The place where it hurts when I remember_ anything _and where I don't even know what year it is. And, I guess, the place I used to call home._

She can't call it home now. Fragments of memory aren't enough to want to give the town that title, though she knows it's the only town that will ever hold it. She wonders if she's always been here, born and raised a local. Something about that brings a smirk to her lips, though, and she _knows_ that can't be right.

_"You think too much."_ It's not a full-fledged memory, but something pops into her head. _Someone said that to me while I was in the sixth grade,_ she realizes, _my best friend. And I think Nathan said something like that too, at some point._ The small realization makes her happy. Remembering something without the splitting headaches and sickness is definitely a step up. She opens her mouth to tell Duke about it.

_She's making pancakes because it's his favorite meal, and she wants everything to be perfect. This is their first date, and she's more than a little nervous. Being asked out by her partner and close friend had been the highlight of, well, her time in Haven. She wants the date to be an even better highlight._

_She's almost entirely certain she's in love with him, and she wants to tell him that, as well as show him. Pancakes always did seem more like a breakfast food._

_Someone's at the door._ It must be him. _"Nathan, you're early." She opens the door._

_She smells the faint aroma of burning hair and realizes too late that the man at the door is not Nathan._

Her vision comes in and out of focus. Duke is saying something, but she can't hear. He squeezes her hand and looks scared. She can tell something's wrong. Black spots dot the edges of her vision, and she can't remember why she's fighting to stay awake. Everything hurts, and her vision and hearing are only getting worse. She slips out of consciousness.  



	2. Chapter 2

Audrey hears a beeping noise. It cuts through her dreamless sleep and brings her back to the world. Now she has to remember her problems, and she dislikes that, even though she can use the time to try to solve them.

The beeping is steady. That's good. It means that her heart rate isn't jumping around. When she pays attention, she notices that she has an IV sticking out of her. She knows that it must be the drugs she's been given that are making her feel so slow, but she doesn't mind the change of pace.

She slowly opens her eyes. They feel like syrup, but once she gets them to droop open, they don't cause her too much trouble. The hospital she's in looks very clean. It's almost too much, but she knows cleanliness is a virtue, especially when you're in a medical facility.

Almost everything is in the same shade of sparkling white, from the walls to the doctors' jackets to the curtains and the doors. The floors are tiled with faded shades of blue and the white that colored almost everything else. The tables, hospital gowns, and most of the machines were the faded blue color. The entire place feels very unimaginative to Audrey, especially the hospital gowns, which she hates with a fiery passion. She can't wait to be back in her own clothes.

She calls out for a nurse, then finds the button she's supposed to press to get a nurse and is a little embarrassed. She hits the button and waits for the nurse to come. Not a minute later, a woman - clearly a nurse - walks in and introduces herself as Naomi.

"What can I help you with?"

"When do you think I'll be able to get out of here?" Though she feels comfortable enough in the hospital, she knows Nathan and Duke will be worried, so she should get going. For some strange reason, she also feels like she's on the wrong side of this exchange.

"What's your hurry? I'm afraid we might not be able to let you go for a while yet. The painkillers might help disguise some of it, but you're still feeling the effects of what happened," Naomi states matter-of-factly.

"Alright. How about visitors?"

"That should be fine. Do you want to call your family or something?"

 

_She doesn't have a family. That's why she thinks it should be easy to push him away. She knows that things aren't going to work like they should be now._

 

_It should be easy because she never had anyone before him. It shouldn't be too hard to go back, right? Wrong._

 

_She misses the cups of coffee in the morning. The small jokes. The comfortable silence while they ride to a crime scene together in his Bronco. All the little nods of courtesy that show that he cares. She misses the simple camaraderie they had. Everything is replaced by a cold, awkward partnership that can't even be called a friendship, much less something more._

 

_But it's all for him. She suffers through that hell so he won't hurt so much when she has to leave. She just wants to protect him._ Yeah, look how protected he is now!

_She looks at him lying on the ground and gets angry._ That was the deal, right? I followed through with my part! _She looks again and her eyes well up with tears._ No, _she thinks. Then she realizes she said it out l_ _oud._

 

_"No," she repeats louder and stronger. She keeps saying it and chokes out a sob. "Nathan," she moans like it will somehow bring him back. She touches his face because this can't be real. It isn't. She will never believe that he's dead._

 

It's easier for Audrey to hear this time, but the pain is more intense. Before she blacks out, she hears Naomi say something to the doctor.

"She needs immediate help! Her vitals are failing!"

.:.

Before she even opens her eyes, she can tell Nathan is with her. Audrey sluggishly opens her eyes and acknowledges him by placing her hand against his. Everything hurts.

It takes her 10 minutes to find her voice, and when she does it's scratchy and faint. "You died."

"Look who's talking." He meets her eyes, and she can see so much worry and pain on his beautiful face. She hates that she put him through so much.

"Not today. I don't know when. You were shot."

"Sure you weren't just dreaming?"

"Do I usually look like this after a dream? I don't think they usually hospitalize people."

"In Haven, maybe. The memories can't be what's causing...this. Maybe it's a trouble." She can hear what he's not saying. _The memories can't be what's causing this because they're making you more like you were._

"What's a trouble? Nathan, the memories have been affecting me since I got here, and they're only getting worse!"

"I know, but the memories were headaches and nosebleeds. This isn't them."

She looks him in the eye. "You died. Duke and Tommy were there. I-it was awful."

Realization dawns on his face. "Oh. You had Moira bring me back. She and her sister had a resurrection trouble." He looks at her. "So it was a memory, yeah. So it did this to you. What should we do?"

"I don't know. I've tried to stop them, but I don't think I have any control over that. It's getting worse. I don't know what else I can do."

"This is my fault."

"What? No it's not." She knows he would never do something like this to her, not that he would even know how.

"Yes it is. I shot Howard. He's the one who gets you where you're going. With him gone, the whole thing must have gotten messed up. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't know." Her reaction is immediate, and she thinks she agrees with it. "We need to think of what to do now and not think about what we can't change." She won't be much help in her current state and she knows it. Something needs to be done, though. She's scared and doesn't know how much longer she can hold out. They sit in silence and try to come up with something - _anything_ \- that could help. Audrey is unsuccessful, and her mind skips around some of the few memories she's built for herself and, of course, the ones that have come into her head while she tries to keep them out.

Nathan's so nonchalant about his death. She can still feel the pain, and all she has is an out of context memory. Audrey wonders if she ever told him how much seeing his body affected her. She hopes she did.

"How long have I been out?" she asks suddenly. Time seems of the essence, like there's not enough of it.

"The first time it was only a couple hours. Duke got you to the hospital pretty fast, but they wouldn't let us in to see you. The second time was a day and a half. They didn't know if you were going to make it. They had a hard time stabilizing your vitals. You were in the emergency room until just a couple hours ago."

She tightens her grip on his hand. "I'll be fine. I won't be here much longer, then I'll see what I can do to stopper these memories." They both know it's a lie, but it's a comforting one. Both pretend they believe it so the other won't get scared.

"I know," he says and loosens his grip on her hand. "You need to get some rest. I think they're a step away from calling security on me, so I'd better get going, too." He stands up and puts on his jacket.

"You get some sleep, too, Officer Wuornos," she teases.

"That's Chief Wuornos," he corrects. She laughs.

"Well then, _Chief_ Wuornos, thanks for stopping by."

"Any time." He smiles and walks off.

She lets down her façade. Talking really did wear her out. She's sure that it's at least partly because of the drugs, but she falls asleep almost immediately.

.:.

Audrey wakes up slowly and lets the memories of what happened slowly filter in. She feels better and knows she's been doing better, but another memory could knock that fragile balance down. She might be gone for more than a day and a half if that happens.

The thought scares her even though she has no real memories taking place before a few days ago. She wonders where she could've been before - or maybe the correct word is _between._ Between her Audrey Parker life and this one, because obviously she was gone a while. If she hadn't, Nathan wouldn't have looked so surprised to see her in the police office.

_Duke was gone, too. He was with me when I showed up, and Nathan looked surprised to see him,_ she thinks. _That must be worth something. There has to be a reason we showed up here and now._

She's alone in the hospital room. Her friends in Haven seem to like to be around her whenever they can, and she's sure it was a nurse that got them out. They wouldn't have left her side willingly. She finds herself missing the company, no matter how exhausting they can be.

Audrey's thirsty, so she calls on a nurse - Naomi again - to go get her some water. Her eyes keep sagging closed no matter how much she tries to keep them open. She decides to just close them for a second.

_She's in a void. That's impossible; nothing can be_ in _a void. But she knows she is. It's not black, and it's not white, and it's not somewhere in between. It scares her, but she can't back away from it. She's alone in this void, of course._

_But then she's not. Then there are people and things and colors in this void, and she runs for them like a light at the end of the tunnel. A scene is playing out before her. There's a brown-haired, brown-eyed version of her, but then suddenly she_ is _her, and it's all very confusing._

 

_Then she's Lucy and she's devastated. Her son, her friend, is dead. His body just sits there, cold, on the beach, and she wishes she could remember what happened today. She's usually immune to these things. Why would that fail her when she needs it the most?_

 

_This tragedy opens her eyes. She has to go into the barn, if not for herself or the town and people of Haven, then for him. Because she's bringing him back._

 

_She falls out of the scene, which is now nowhere to be found, and she's nobody again. She realizes that she may belong in a void. She's nothing, nobody, and isn't that what a void is made up of?_

 

_But then there's a scene again, and she jumps into it quickly because she can't stand being nobody. Now she has a name again, Sarah Vernon, and a color, bright red. She's in a place now, too, called The Haven Herald. Then she remembers why she's here, and it's suddenly so embarrassing, but she has to tell them before she loses her nerve._

 

_"I'm pregnant," she blurts out. Vince and Dave's eyes flew to her at her bold announcement, which is issued instead of a_ hello. _She doesn't know how they could have missed it; she's been showing for a while now, and a jacket can only hide so much. Sometimes these men are as clueless as schoolboys; Sarah has to keep reminding herself that. Now their mouths form_ O _'s, and they're trying not to stare. Sarah's cheeks burn._

 

_"Who's the father?" Dave finally questions after much ogling. She knows she has to keep from telling them. She doesn't know why, but it feels like an important secret to keep._

 

_She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, boys. I can't tell you." Vince and Dave exchange glances, and she blushes again._

 

_"When's the child due?" Vince asks._

 

_"In about five months," Sarah answers. Her eyes shyly come up to meet theirs._

 

_"Alright," Dave says. They all know that's all that needs to be said. They understand, and they'll help her however they can._

 

_Then she's nothing again. Back into the void._

 

_She doesn't even need to see the world come this time. The transitions are becoming more natural._

 

_Erica stares at a painting of a woman who looks just like her. Perhaps the woman is her mother? She likes that idea. She's never had a family before._

 

_"Who is she?" asks a curious Erica._

 

_"Rebecca Durin, if I'm correct," responds Alan Simley, an old and lonesome fisherman who seems to find her charming; he's already made multiple excuses to see her. Rebecca Durin is by far the most interesting thing he's come up with. "She looks like you." Erica nods. The woman_ does _look just like her, but Erica's curly brown hair is replaced by straight black hair, and Rebecca's eyes are brown, unlike Erica's green. The face is just the same, though, and Erica truly hopes it's a good likeness._

 

_"Who painted this?" she asks, setting in motion what's sure to be a long hunt for information._

 

_It feels like there's no transition this time; she just suddenly goes from being Erica Sanset to being Rebecca Durin._

 

.:.

Naomi Renair can feel a headache coming on as she walks down the sterile halls of Haven's one and only hospital. The walkways aren't silent - she can't remember a time when they were - but they're quiet enough that she can hear an audible click-clack noise coming from her heels, and it doesn't help her headache. She fills the pitcher for Audrey and makes her way back down the hallway.

Naomi has only recently been transferred to Haven, but she's already seen enough odd things to make her not startle very easily. There's nothing about a hospital patient sleeping that should make her suspect anything more. _She's had a rough day; she deserves the rest,_ Naomi thinks, but as she lightly steps in, she notices what's been setting her off. _Her heartbeat's uneven, and she doesn't look like she's breathing too well,_ she notices. She disregards her headache and annoying shoes completely as she nearly jogs to find a doctor.

When a doctor gets in, he can't tell her much except that Audrey will need to be put in higher care, so Naomi doesn't have to look after her anymore and that she lapsed into a coma. He asks her to tell family. She nods absentmindedly.

As far as she knows, the only family this girl has are the two men who haven't left the waiting room all day. Naomi hates to be the bearer of bad news and hopes that these fellows aren't the type to shoot the messenger.

After exchanging _hello_ 's, they look at her expectantly, knowing that she didn't come over for a chat.

"I'm afraid Audrey slipped into a coma."

The man with the longer hair looks down at the ground. "Dammit," he mutters just loud enough for them to hear.

The other man, however, looks right at her. "There's nothing the doctors can do?"

She shakes her head. "They can get her on life support, but they can't wake her up. It's likely that if we wait long enough, she'll wake up on her own."

He thanks her for telling them, trying to make it clear that she can go. She heads off. The day is coming to a close, and it's time for her to head home. She checks out and heads toward her car.

In her time in Haven, Naomi's watched the supernatural become routine. She's gotten used to wounds without visible causes and people who can do the strangest things. Her job is to ignore it as long as they won't hurt anyone. She bandages people up whether there's a cause or not. A mysterious coma is not the strangest thing she's seen during her time in Haven, so she does what she always does: disregard it. It's out of her jurisdiction now anyway.

.:.

 

_She's beginning to sense a pattern. Each of these girls looks the same as her and is her in a way, but in another way, they're not._

 

_She gets it now. She's going backwards through all her past lives. But there isn't an end in sight, and that scares her because she really just wants to get back to Nathan and Duke. She still feels more like an Audrey than any of these other girls, and she desperately clings to that identity. She doesn't know when or if she will ever be able to get out of here._  
 _.:._

_Maybe it's been forever. Maybe it's been 2 minutes. She doesn't know; she can't tell. She just knows that someone,_ something _is calling her name. She can't even hear what that name is; she just somehow_ knows _it's hers. She wishes she could answer, but she can already feel herself drifting further, further away from the person who remembers her name even when she can't, who she can tell keeps her grounded. Not even he can help her this time. She wants to tell him that it's okay; it's not his fault. But she can't, and that's her only regret._  



	3. Chapter 3

He sits by her bed. "Audrey. Audrey, you need to wake up." What he says varies, but he keeps repeating her name. For some reason, that's important. One time, he thinks he sees her stir, but he knows he imagined it. She doesn't wake up, no matter what he says or does.

There's a certain point in the night when a nurse comes up and states very firmly that visiting hours are over. He doesn't have the strength to argue, but he silently promises that he'll be by her side every second until she gets better. It's the least he can do.

Something supernatural is going on. He knows that much. _She was right; the memories were causing all those things. Would they have caused the coma?_ He decides he doesn't want that to be the answer because it would mean there's nothing he can do. Then he decides his way of approaching this is unacceptable.

_Face the facts. Don't pretend something's true when you know it's not._ Those were his, and ultimately her, downfalls. He won't let it happen again. He won't - can't - lose her again. He doesn't know if he'll be able to take it.

Two years are a long time to wait for a person, especially when he counts every day, every minute, every second without her. Especially when he thinks somehow, some way, he could've stopped it. If he had done something different, would she have never left?

The moment he saw her in his office is the happiest moment in his entire life. The moment right after that, when he finds out that she lost her memories, might be the biggest let-down of all time, but then he remembers Sarah and how, even though she had different memories, she was so much like Audrey. He had settled then, and he's settling now, but he honestly doesn't care. Two years taught him that he should take what he can get and she's the best thing that ever happened to him.

The next morning as soon as the hospital doors open, Nathan sits next to where Audrey lies still. It doesn't matter that doctors and everyone else with a professional opinion tell him that she won't wake up today. Rain or shine, he'll be by her side.

Today, Duke shows up. He is impatient, which he shows in his pacing. He takes the room in 3 long strides, then turns around and does it again. Duke had never been one to pace; he had always been cool-headed and collected when disaster struck. Audrey is different from those other "disasters," though. She's more important. So he stays by her side, even though she will choose Nathan when she wakes up.

The two men sit by her side as the days pass by, leaving only when the nurses and doctors look like they're going to call security. On the 12th, just a week after she first showed up, the doctors tell them that she might not make it.

"She's getting worse at an astounding rate. We're not sure how much we can do for her," Doctor Catran, Audrey's main doctor, says.

Nathan speaks first. "There has to be something you can do. And you're not going to stop trying."

"No, of course not. I was wondering if either of you know what caused her coma. It might help us know what to treat her for," the doctor adds. Both men shake their heads. Though they know it has something to do with the memories, they don't know what, and even in Haven, that's an odd reason to be in the hospital.

.:.

Audrey is suffering. Duke can see it in how she tosses and turns in her bed. She's having bad dreams like the one before. They're hurting her. He can see it in her tossing and turning and in the things the doctors say. She's not getting better, and the chances of her not waking up are increasing daily. But he stays because that's what friends do, until one day when he decides there's been enough waiting at her bedside because she's _not_ going to wake up on her own. They have to take action, help her, because _that's_ what friends do.

.:.

Duke has contacts. That's one of the blessings of being a smuggler; people tend to know things, and he can put that knowledge to use. In the end, it isn't one of his contacts that tells him what he needs to know. It's Vince.

In his desperation, he goes to the Herald. He doesn't think the men will know how to save her; if they had, they would've, but it was worth a try, and none of his contacts had been able to tell him anything.

The bell on the door makes an annoying little _ding_ as Duke barges into the Haven Herald uninvited. The two old men are used to it; Audrey, Nathan, and Duke had visited them often enough for information they had never disclosed. He wonders if they feel bad about it now. There's no way they don't know; these men know everything that goes on in this town.

"How do I help Audrey?" he asks, right down to business. He has no time for small talk.

"We don't know," Dave answers.

"Cut the crap," Duke says, his eyes ablaze. He doesn't really know if they know, but he'll press them until he's certain.

"Well," Vince begins, "there might be a way."

.:.

Nathan is surprised to find himself sitting across from Duke in the Grey Gull. The restaurant's normal hours have long since passed; there isn't a light on in another house in Haven at this hour. This isn't what surprises him, though. It surprises him that Duke could figure something out. He doesn't know what it is, but Duke must have something to call him over this late at night.

"You get something?" Nathan is direct and to the point.

"Well, maybe. You're not going to like it."

"What is it?"

"Vince says there's only one way to make sure Audrey is okay," Duke hints. Nathan is getting frustrated.

"Well?"

"She has to go back in the barn. And someone has to go with her."

"No. That's not the solution. We'll find another way."

"Then find it, dammit, but find it soon. Or she'll die." Nathan pauses. This sounds like a worst-case scenario, something they should be trying with all their hearts to avoid.

"Why does someone else have to go in with her?"

"Her old driver is dead. Someone has to guide her." This just further confirms that it's all his fault. He killed Howard. Now someone has to go with her, guide her, and they probably won't ever be back, and that's his fault, too.

"Oh." His short, monosyllabic response doesn't match the turmoil in his head.

"And I'm going to be the one to do it," Duke adds. Nathan's first thought is _no._ They can't both leave him again. He wouldn't be able to handle it. Not again.

"No. It's my fault her driver's dead; I should be the one to do it," Nathan argues. Maybe, just maybe, he could see her again before she turns into the next girl, and that's all the reward he needs. And Sarah was a lot like Audrey. He wouldn't mind being around them.

"You're the chief of police. You've got a whole life here. Besides, I already disappeared once; who's going to notice if I do it again? It's not like I made a big entrance." Much as he hates to admit it, Duke is right. He already disappeared; no one even has to think he came back.

"I'm going to work on finding that other way," Nathan says with more certainty than he feels.

"And I'm going to work on getting this one ready," Duke counters.

.:.

Nathan does try. He slacks considerably on his police duties, but he doesn't care if they fire him as long as he finds a way. But he doesn't.

He searches for hours, for days, and he wishes he had the time to search for months, even years, because he would. He would never stop searching.

But now he has to because she's dying, and Duke already figured this whole thing out. And, much as he hates it, Duke is going to be the one to follow her into the barn, even though Nathan would drop everything, follow her anywhere. He wants to. But he can't. He's the chief of police. So he gets back on his case and tries to pretend he's not dying because there's only a couple days left before she has to go.

.:.

Duke's ready to follow her, to forget his life in favor of hers. To save her. That's what friends do, and that's what he has to do. He'll follow her into the dark yet again, and he would do it a thousand more times because she's Audrey, and she changed him. He no longer just looks out for number one. He'll do anything for her.

At the same time, he hates that it's a necessity, that she couldn't just stay in Haven because that's what he wants to happen as much as Nathan, but he knows he can't. He isn't kidding himself. He's acting, doing what needs to be done.

.:.

When the day comes around, Nathan is filled with a dread it would be hard to match. His love, his Audrey, is leaving yet again. He only has a matter of minutes left to take her in, memorize her face, her scent, her warmth before she's gone. Duke will be gone again, too, and his entire world will shut down, but he'll have to keep himself together for when she - and, hopefully, he - returns.

They check her out of the hospital that day against all medical advice; the doctors tell them that without the machines, it's only a matter of time before her heart or something else important fails. They do drive a little faster than planned; if Audrey dies, the entire plan will be worth nothing. It's all for her, so it's going to succeed. There's not a way in the world either man is going to let it fail.

Duke drives them there in his car because Nathan's Bronco hasn't been holding up too well. Nathan sits in the back and holds Audrey steady, trying to ignore her touch but at the same time noticing how cold she is. Duke doesn't comment as Nathan wraps his jacket around her shoulders, just like he had done when she was awake.

They arrive in a clearing near a forest just 15 minutes away from Haven, or at least that's how far away it is when they're driving at a breakneck pace to get her there in time. Vince and Dave tell Nathan that only Audrey and Duke can be there when they go into the barn. So he helps Duke get Audrey out to the clearing, then goes back to the car. He doesn't bother waiting because there's nothing to wait for. He drives Duke's car back to his house.

.:.

Duke has to carry Audrey to the place. Vince and Dave have everything set up nicely for him, but he has to do this on his own. He doesn't know how they know what to do. Has this ever happened before? They left a small sheet giving directions. He supposes he may as well forget his questions; he won't ever get to ask them now. The two men are old, and it's very unlikely they'll make it another 27 years. It saddens him; infuriating as their holding back information had been, they're nice at heart.

Duke performs the odd little ritual. He has to say something in a language he doesn't understand and do some odd thing with his arms, and that makes him feel like a superstitious idiot, but it works and the barn appears. He says a quiet goodbye to Haven and walks into the barn carrying Audrey.

.:.

Nathan stops at the liquor store before he goes to his house. Whiskey, straight up. He goes home and drinks deep. She'll return; he knows that, but it's so far off. 27 more years, and that's too many for him to wait, but he knows he has to, so he will.


	4. Epilogue

Her new name is Hannah. Hannah Lichen. It sounds odd, and he can't really match that name with her face, but he'll get used to it. She writes. She loves it. She comes to Haven for inspiration for her new book and decides to stay for the Troubles. She can help with them in a hands-on way she's never been able to before, and she loves it. So she chooses to stay, like there was ever a choice. Like she could really stay any longer than some higher power, whatever makes her go away, wants her to.

He doesn't upset the balance. He doesn't tell her she's Audrey and Lucy and Sarah because, well, he's not sure why. He just doesn't.

She doesn't change his life so much this time. He wants her to. He's ready for her to. She has no reason to go to the police department when she's an author, and she thinks the police in this town are corrupt and don't want to help with the troubled or don't know, and he almost laughs because that's so not true. She still comes to him for information and likes him well enough, but they're never like they were before. She has new friends, ones in her own generation, but that doesn't stop him from being the one to tell her that their town needs a newspaper and he'll be happy to help out with it any way he can. She accepts; of course she does. She doesn't really have a choice.

Her hair is shorter and black and wavy. Her eyes are stormy, the kind of eyes that change with the seasons and always tend to look more like the color of whatever shirt she's wearing. It's hard to accept her as his Audrey, but she isn't, so that's okay.

She's an orphan, but she grew up in New York instead of Ohio and has the accent to match. She thinks Audrey is her mother and keeps referring to her as that. He doesn't even know how she finds out she's not, but one day she does and she talks to him.

"Why didn't you tell me I had past lives?" she questions accusingly.

"I wasn't sure how to bring it up," he answers, which is true enough, but it isn't the real reason. He should have told her; that's what Audrey would've wanted, but he feels like that's what's supposed to happen. It's certainly what happened all the other times. This time is no different. Last time is no different. Someday Audrey will be so far back she'll be forgotten by everyone, and then she'll truly have disappeared.

She lets it drop eventually, but she's angry with him. She avoids him until she doesn't.

"You know all this stuff about me that you're keeping to yourself!" she yells after finding out about Lucy and Sarah and what happened to Audrey when her driver was killed. She wants to know more, so he tells her about her son. He doesn't tell her that it's their son.

Eventually, she has to leave, too, and nothing could prepare him for the hole that left. He thought it would be easier this time, but it isn't. He watches Hannah walk into the barn and die like he watched Audrey do the same. It leaves him wanting more, even if she ignored him when she wasn't mad at him, and he can never tell her he loves her. He lost his chance decades ago.

He sees Duke again just before she leaves. Duke doesn't remember him and talks just like Howard does, and that's disturbing. He can't stop thinking about it. So now he's alone again for another 27 years, and he doesn't know how he'll survive this time. He's lost her three times, and it doesn't stop hurting. He saved himself for her, and nothing works out the way it should, not ever, and he hates that the world would abandon him yet again.


End file.
